Month: June 2015

Abusive Relationship?

Is My Relationship Abusive?

For those that wonder if their relationship is emotionally destructive, Leslie Vernick created an “Emotionally Destructive Relationship Quiz” to help create some clarity. At the end of the quiz is a description of how the selected answers match up with different types of destructive relationships.

What if someone I know may be in an abusive relationship?

Offer support without judgment of criticism. Let them know that they are not at fault and that they are not alone. Encourage them to get help and respect their decisions.

Check out this helpful resource for friends and family members of those in abusive relationships: Help for Friends and Family

If you think your friend is in danger, or you want more resources to bring to your friend, help is available 24 hours a day from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about our wants and needs while still considering the rights, needs, and wants of others. When we practice assertiveness, we ask for what we want and realize that other’s needs and wants are equally important. Assertive people practice fairness and empathy with themselves and others. The power we use comes from self-assurance and not from intimidation or bullying. When we treat others with dignity and respect, we are likely to get that same treatment in return.

The following “Personal Bill of Rights” is from Edmund Bourne’s assertiveness exercises:

  1. I have the right to ask for what I need.
  2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
  3. I have the right to express my feelings, both positive and negative.
  4. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
  5. I have the right to change my mind.
  6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
  7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
  8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
  9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
  10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
  11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
  12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
  13. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid.”
  14. I have the right to say “I don’t know.
  15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
  16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
  17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
  18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
  19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
  20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
  21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  22. I have the right to change and grow.
  23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
  24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
  25. I have the right to be happy.

Bourne, E. J. (2005). The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, 4th Edition. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Just Breathe

When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, angry, or can’t seem to stop our minds from racing, deep breathing calms the body and helps us refocus. Just breathe.

When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, angry, or can’t seem to stop our minds from racing, deep breathing calms the body and helps us refocus. Just breathe.